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Business English: Those sharp teeth are out to get you
A divorce lawyer offers a warning for men feeling flattered by that pretty young woman at the office: appearances can be deceptive.They are identifiable not by their short skirts or heavy make-up but by their unflinching devotion to their male bosses. They will work late for them, pick up their dry cleaning and even buy birthday presents for their relatives. They are single women who, stuck in their search for a personal partner, are ready to give their all to a professional one. What they want is a high-earning, high-flying, high-virility man - and one who they can drag to the altar. Welcome to the world of the "office piranha".
We all know the story: women are supposedly taking control, marrying later and "putting off" motherhood until well into their 30s or early 40s. But scratch below the surface and you'll find that many of these career-minded Amazons are only tolerating singledom while frantically scanning the horizon for an old-fashioned knight in shining armour. The trouble with 21st-century knights though is that they tend to be middle-aged, middle-brow and midway through a lifetime commitment to their childhood sweetheart.
For the office piranha, however, such a situation is an advantage. Here is a man who doesn't shy away from the M word, who has produced two healthy children, is financially well-off and is at an age where a mid-life crisis is just dying to happen. Just the kind of man, who would be worth prising away from domesticity towards a more exciting life with a younger wife.
For an ambitious thirtysomething woman whose biological clock is ticking loudly, joining a large firm of accountants or solicitors can be more advantageous than a dating agency. As a divorce lawyer with 25 years experience, it amazes me how many powerful, rich and intelligent married men have been rendered powerless and significantly poorer by what they imagined was a "harmless fling" with their PA or the temp along the corridor. Many have gone on to marry their new lover and raise another family, only to see that marriage, too, end in tears. While four in 10 first marriages fail, 50 per cent of second marriages hit the rocks. Men are notoriously susceptible to flattery, especially when they are past their prime. How many middle-aged executives have paused to wonder just why their nubile PA finds them so irresistible?
You might think that a matrimonial lawyer ought not to be counselling against divorce, but a good lawyer should be able to spot salvageable marriages and work towards keeping the relationship. Then there are a host of arguments pointing to the foolhardiness of a mature man allowing himself to fall for an office piranha in the first place.
To begin with, a piranha means business so any man, however smart, will find himself being ripped to shreds, even if he believes he is simply dangling his hook. Secondly, if he succumbs, ends his marriage, leaves his kids and parts with half his wealth to start a fresh life with the piranha, he will quickly realise he has merely swapped one domestic situation for another - only the new one is not quite as amiable as he anticipated. Thirdly, a new relationship requires as much, if not more, effort than the old one. I know many men who have admitted, with discomfiture, that if they had put the same amount of energy into their first marriages as they've had to put into the second, the divorce would never have happened.
Taking a younger model for a wife means the shared history that a man had with his first partner of a similar age is glaringly absent. "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" is likely to elicit the response, "Who's Kennedy?" Starting afresh might provide a (temporarily) improved sex life, but it's doubtful this will compensate for the leaner bank balance, the estrangement from the children and the difficulties in creating a new social life. Raising a new family means that a man who envisaged a gentle retirement will be attending school sports days instead of practising his golf swing.
And when a man whose attraction was based on power and success is no longer powerful and successful but simply old the piranha starts sharpening her razor teeth again.
Diane Benussi is managing partner of Birmingham-based matrimonial law firm Benussi & Co
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FTD.de, 02.06.2006
© 2006 Financial Times Deutschland,
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