Business English: How can I become my boss's favourite employee again?

A male Senior Manager (38) wrote: My CEO is the sort of man who has favourites - something that has never bothered me until now as the main favourite has been me. Others have come and gone, but I have remained. He'd always ask my opinion and in meetings would address his points mainly to me. But recently... von Lucy Kellaway, London

... But recently he has stopped seeking me out and adopts a more guarded tone of voice when addressing me. More worryingly, he has hired a new favourite in a "strategy director" - a man who crawls shamelessly. What am I to do?

Read what Lucy Kellaway, "agony-aunt" of the Financial Times (London), answered:

All chief executives have favourites - that is, people who they rate and like working with. There is nothing bad about this; in fact, it would be quite disturbing if they didn't.

Lucy Kellaway

A problem arises either if the favourites are chosen for their ability to fawn and grovel rather than for their ability to do the job - or if the chief executive is unduly promiscuous and has an endless succession of favourites who come and go on a whim, leaving everyone feeling resentful and on edge.

Either way, there is little you can do. If you had fallen from grace because you had offended in some way, you could perhaps find out what your offence was. But it doesn't sound to me as if that was the case: more likely, he has tired of your style of crawling and finds that he likes someone else's better.

Down the pecking order

The good news for you is that chief executives are more like bigamists than serial monogamists and the favourites system in most companies works more like a harem than a conventional marriage - in which the ex-spouse tends to move from most-loved to least-loved in one leap. If the signs of your demotion are as subtle as you say, you've merely suffered a downgrade: You used to be the Number One "wife" and now you are a little further down the pecking order.

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The solution, therefore, is to accept your downgrading with dignity. Don't stoop to being horrible to the new favourite. He too will lose his top status in time. Don't even think of stepping up your fawning to match his. That is a battle you will lose, and trying will make you look ridiculous.

In any case, it's not clear to me that you've lost very much. What is the advantage that the Number One wife gets that the Number Three doesn't? The example you give leaves me cold. Having the chief executive address his points solely to you in meetings sounds more like a disadvantage as it means you have to pay attention at all times and that rather precludes you from doing what everyone else will be happily doing - playing with their BlackBerrys and iPhones.

Aus der Financial Times, London. www.ft.com